About a year ago, SwingBot and I declared ourselves swingers. A few weeks ago, we concluded that we are not really into the swinger community.
While \”swinging\” certainly encompasses a large range of activities, the general focus is on spouse swapping among heterosexual men and bisexual women. While \”women have all the power\” is the much-chanted mantra, the community still embraces certain standards, like:
– Women are the ones who attract the partners and start play.
This might sound like it gives women power, but it also puts the burden upon women to be attractive and enticing to others and to make the moves.
– \”Taking one for the team.\”
This gets debated, but some consider it reasonable for a woman to play with a man that she does not want so her husband can be with a woman that he wants.
– Advertising with women.
Almost every couple profile features only pictures of the woman, or far more pictures (and far more revealing pictures) of the woman than of the man. Again, the woman has to be the enticement. Also, clubs, events, and tours overwhelmingly advertise with depictions of women (or of female body parts) rather than of men. Whom are such ads intended to attract?
– Women are bisexual; men are heterosexual.
MFM threesomes are accepted among swingers, provided that two straight men share one woman with as little MM contact as possible. However, the swinging \”Holy Grail\” is the FFM/FMF threesome with the single bi woman. Whether swapping or sharing, FM sex is expected, FF sex is expected, and MM contact is condemned.
– Women are submissive.
BDSM is a very minor component within the swinger community. In the few instances that do include some level of bondage or D/s, typically the woman is bound and/or submissive.
Women do have a lot of say in swinging, but within strict confines. The swinger community is still geared towards heterosexual men in its standards, rules, and advertising.
As SwingBot said, \”We don\’t really fit in the swinger community well.\”
I think that our interests fit better within the kinky community. While straight male Doms and bi female subs seem to be the general rule in that group, too, there is a readier acceptance for bisexual men, submissive men, and dominant women. Certainly, not everything within the kinky community fits us, but the greater range of interests seems to encompass our interests more.
Though we are still interested in non-monogamous sex (and will still pursue it at the pace of a snail wounded in the snow), our attention will be directed less on the swinger community and more on the kinky community.