This is not going to be popular, and may even be deemed offensive by some. I am not trying to insult or be incendiary. That said, this is genuinely my opinion.
I think that the common, modern uses of the terms \”pansexual\” and \”queer\” are often employed to solve a problem that does not exist: that \”bisexual\” is too limiting. Some argue that the \”bi\” in \”bisexual\” means that a bisexual person can only be attracted to men and to women, not to more fluid dynamics.
Usually when I see someone self-identifying as pansexual, the claim goes, \”I am not bisexual; I am pansexual. I love all.\” Similarly, typically the claim going along with someone identifying as queer runs, \”I love people, not genders, so am queer, not bi.\”
Pardon me, but suggesting that bisexuality is all about the gender binary strikes me as disrespecting gender fluidity.
– Saying that bisexuals only like men and women makes me ask, \”Who defines the acceptable men and women?\” Must a bisexual only be attracted to big, hairy, muscled men and small, curvy, delicate women? If a bisexual is attracted to a \”girly\” man or a \”butch\” woman, does the bisexual now count as pansexual? What if the bisexual is attracted to someone androgynous? Someone transgender?
– Along those lines, much discussion goes into what defines a man as a man and a woman as a woman. Can a man have a vulva? Must having a penis make someone a man? If a cisgendered man and a pre-op MTF date, is that a homosexual relationship or a heterosexual relationship?
I do understand why someone might prefer to employ the terms \”pansexual\” or \”queer\” over \”bisexual\” as a self-label. \”Bisexual\” still triggers many negative responses today, such as \”greedy,\” \”in-denial gay,\” or \”slut\” (all used in sex-negative fashion). While \”queer\” used to be a homophobic slur, it has been successfully reclaimed by the LGBTQ community, and \”pansexual\” has no noticeably negative connotations in societal memory. While using a label to describe one\’s attraction to men, women, and/or gender-fluid identities, it makes sense to use one that does not seem like a slur.
So, if you prefer to identify as pansexual or queer, then please do. Just quit introducing the term with an implication that you are somehow better than bisexuals. Let us all use our labels to start our conversations, not end them, and let us all love whom we love.