I crushed one of my fingers yesterday morning, so blood-pumping activities like sex were not really that attractive to me. We decided to meet for dinner and movie instead. Ever since BG mentioned \”The Birdcage\” (1996) some while back, I have wanted to see it again. The movie aggressively stereotypes — particularly homosexuals, drag queens, and Republicans — but does so with a lot of humor and still shows great love and friendship among the characters. I remembered loving the film, and yet had forgotten so many fun parts of it!
Quick premise: Val, the son of gay couple Armand and Albert (drag queen star of Armand\’s nightclub), is marrying Barbara, daughter of Kevin (conservative Republican senator) and Louise (politically savvy and supportive wife). To get approval, Barbara lies to her parents about Val\’s parents. Kevin is up for reelection and one of his political allies dies in a scandalous situation. To escape the press and pursue a redeeming event (\”a white wedding\”), he and his family flee to the home of Armand and Albert. Val pleads with Armand to make the house and family seem \”normal\” (meaning \”not gay\”), which includes a home makeover, both training the flamboyant Albert to act like a man and sending him away, and having Katherine (Val\’s birth mother, who gave him up to Armand when Val was born, and of whom Albert is jealous) come pretend to be Armand\’s wife. Much hilarity ensues from all the complications.
Of course, the audience is supposed to hope that all goes well for the young lovers, but frankly, I do not. They are selfish, impulsive, deceitful, spoiled, and I anticipate that they will divorce sooner or later. Barbara simply makes things up and then expects Val to make her lies happen, and Val demands that his father and mother (Armand and Albert, respectively) bend over backwards to accommodate the lies. Val and Barbara do not surmount obstacles to find happiness with each other; they lie to or emotionally bully others to get what they want. So, no, I hardly care whether the young lovers find a happy ending.
Far more interesting is the dynamic between Armand and Albert. We do not know just how long they have been together, but obviously a long time. Since Albert helped raise 20-year-old Val and Katherine — who has not been in their lives since she exchanged baby Val to Armand for financial support, knows about Albert — one guesses that Armand and Albert were together at least 20 years. Albert\’s jealousy of a woman who has not been around for two decades supports that idea, plus implies that he and Armand were together before Armand\’s experiment with a woman; Katherine may have been an indiscretion. Armand spends the movie trying to accommodate Val\’s unreasonable wishes while dealing with Albert\’s insecurity and temper tantrums. Armand genuinely loves Albert and works hard to maintain their relationship, and vice versa. They obviously have their flaws, issues, and problems, but they try.
Hollywood often depicts lovers in complicated situations. They make for good entertainment. Conflict drives stories. There is one problem, though: many people see the \”whirlwind romance\” or \”conflict-driven romance\” as good models for real relationships. However, reality does not work that way. Reality continues after the \”true love\’s kiss\” or \”I now declare you husband and wife.\” The movie couples just have to get together; they do not have to stay together. We leave them filled with their New Relationship Energy and adrenaline-induced promises of \”forever.\” Check back in a few months, though, and those high-conflict, high-drama couples will be at each other\’s throats, assuming that they are not already split up.
\”Boring\” relationships are better for real life. I do not mean that the partners should be bored with each other; that would be a bad thing! I mean that the day-to-day of a successful and happy couple is generally not the stuff of a Hollywood film. It involves communicating openly (not keeping mysterious secrets that turn into dangerously sexy shoot-outs), compromising (not one person leaving and the other fighting a gang of enemies to reach the one who left), and making and keeping promises (not professing love in the rain after a fight). A successful couple is going to have more times of peaceful confidence in their relationship than they are competing over romantic rivals. A successful couple can sit and openly discuss their issues, not have an argument that concludes in angry shouts of \”I love you!\” \”Well, I love you, too!\” A good couple in real life should certainly find each other exciting and amusing, but not be filled with the drama, angst, jealousies, insecurities, and conflict that create comedy and entertainment for a viewing audience.
I do not think that Hollywood needs to change its approach to relationships. Again, conflict drives stories. Drama is entertaining. However, those seeking fulfilling and stable relationships should keep drama as a fiction category and not employ it in their real lives. After all, they still have to deal with each other after the ending credits roll.