My Awesome Sex Lines

I have said some clumsy things regarding sex. Here are a few memorable ones:

“Would you hurry up and finish?”


“Would you cum already?”

– Having been performing fellatio and masturbating SwingBot for such a long time that my mouth aches and my arms are sore with exhaustion. This is not uncommon; SwingBot lasts a long time.

“No offense, but would you please cum?”

– SwingBot got irritated that I was so polite when I requested BG to finish fucking me in the ass, considering how abrupt I am when asking SwingBot to climax during a blow job.

“Are you horny?” (with a slightly irritated tone)

– Apparently not yet in the mood while SwingBot made an overt advance.

“Ungh-ungh!” (accompanied with a slap and/or shove)

– My “I’m too tired for sex” response to advances. SwingBot thinks that I am saying, “Fuck off!” I think that I am saying, “I’m tired.” He is infinitely more polite when he rejects me, just quietly saying, “Not that I don’t appreciate it, but I’m very tired.”

“Did you bring your cell phone to bed?”

– SwingBot had discreetly brought a vibrator to bed and was revving it up under the covers. I incorrectly guessed the source of the unexpected vibration noise.

“That was stupid. You should have at least masturbated before you got here.”

– BG had not masturbated for three days before our first time together, so was concerned about his ability to last long. My sympathy to his concern was apparently somewhat lacking.

“Awesome. Now get off me.”

– Despite enjoying the sex, I felt smothered by BG’s body on top of me and my skin needed to breathe.

Do you have any awesome lines to share?