SwingBot and I attended a swingers club last Wednesday. The place was gorgeous. The orientation tour assuaged a lot of our concerns. And we left wishing that we had known beforehand what we learned on the tour.
The club’s site has some information, but there are certain sections that are not terribly helpful. In particular, we wanted to know the dress code (and the “undress” code). SwingBot and I are not exactly social butterflies or club hoppers, so we have no idea how people are supposed to dress at these things. Recommendations along the lines of “what you’d wear at a normal club” are not very helpful to people who typically shun such things. (And no, the irony that we are trying to participate in a social lifestyle is not lost on us.)
We did some online searching and saw recommendations against casual wear, such as jeans, tee-shirts, tennis shoes, etc. Suggestions for men seemed to go along the lines of business casual, while suggestions for women included an entire regime of grooming and sexy wear. SwingBot opted for a business casual ensemble that included a nice button-down shirt and pair of slacks. I stared at my wardrobe and noted the lack of dresses (four total, three of which are quite modest) and skirts (one tiny skirt that does not really go with any of my tops).
I live in leggings and cannot recall the last time that I wore a dress or skirt. I think that I look sexy in leggings, but the advice sites said, “dress or skirt.” Grimacing, I donned my only dress that seemed likely to count as “sexy” and replaced my beloved leggings with pantyhose. I like the dress as a long tunic with leggings, but this felt so… uh… breezy. I also despaired when I realized that my sports bra straps kept trying to reveal themselves beyond the dress’ broad neck. I scowled as I got one of my only two non-sports bras and discovered that it does not truly fit; I have not worn it for years and it was too snug. Still, it did the job without showing a strap. I dusted off my only dress shoes, a black pair of flats, to complete the ensemble. Clingy red dress, breasts squishing up out of a bra, pantyhose, black shoes… yeah, I looked like I wanted to have sex…
…Except SwingBot told me, at the end of the night, that my demeanor announced, “I am uncomfortable in this ensemble!”
We packed our bag, which included the towels the club’s site said were required, a hair brush for me, and a few other necessities, and started our trek. We had dinner at a restaurant on the way, since SwingBot does not trust buffets, which was the club’s dinner option. The restaurant gave me a chance to get more uncomfortable with the dress and become absolutely appalled with how I looked when I saw myself in the restroom mirror. I had forgone my coat while wearing the flimsy dress, on a cold and rainy October night, consumed a cold salad with ice water in an air conditioned restaurant, and was… pointy in the chest area. I also got to notice how much the dress clung to my body, including emphasizing the way my breasts were popping out of the too-tight bra. I wanted a trench coat, not just for warmth, but to hide myself.
We continued to the club and found parking easily, arriving so early before the night festivities would begin. We felt astonished to realize that we had actually passed its entrance many times when we lived in the immediate area, never knowing what it was. We registered for the tour and soon felt more at ease with the professional-yet-playful demeanor of our guide. We took comfort in his reminders that the club is a business and is treated as such. There is no tolerance for rule-breaking, since that can translate into the closure of the business. We appreciated that level of seriousness.
We also got more than slightly annoyed by some of the club rules that we learned during the tour… not because we disagreed with the rules, but because we really could have used knowing them when we got ready! From the club’s site, we interpreted the dress code to be “nightclub fare” and the “undress” code to be nude aside from the towel. Instead, when we arrived, we saw other attendees in jeans, sweats, tee-shirts… Almost everyone was casually dressed. And the “undress” code allows for basically anything that is not street clothing: underwear, lingerie, pajamas, nightshirts, swimsuits… and men can even wear kilts. The towels are for putting between the play surfaces and the players, to help reduce the amount of bodily fluid everywhere. That makes perfect sense, but was not the impression that we had gotten! What irked us the most was that these rules could have been stated on the site. There was absolutely nothing in the tour that could not have been detailed on the site or in the “welcome and about us” e-mail messages… and we could have been better prepared.
As it was, at the end of the tour, when it was time to stay or go, we opted to go. We were uncomfortable in our dress clothes and even less comfortable with the prospect of wearing only towels — especially now knowing that we could have more — our first time at a club. As we drove home, we agreed that we would like to return when better prepared.
Next time, I am wearing leggings and a sweater to the club, and then switching to a crotchless body stocking with my one skirt, which is very short and flirty and would provide teasing modesty to the outfit without getting in the way of fun. Yes, I want to go to a club to potentially have sex with others — and certainly to at least have sex with SwingBot in the company of others — but I still want something to keep me from feeling exposed.